The Man Laws...REMIX

So, I recently had a conversation with my charming but SUCH-a-boy boyfriend, and he enlightened me on the concept of something I had never heard of: a set of "rules" for men to follow called (originally enough) MAN LAWS. He told me a few of them, and I found them quite humorous (but mostly ridiculous), and it got me wondering. What exactly is this list of rules written by men for men to live by? I would hope that not all of them are taken seriously, but I know some of them are. I suppose this, like many things, is to be blamed on society. 

So anyway, being my curious self of what these "man laws" are, I googled. This is what I found:

Man Laws- Latest from the International Council of Man Laws (you can laugh, I sure had a few chuckles.)  Warning: some content inappropriate. (Surprise Surprise)

In response to the so-called "Man Laws," I have summoned a close woman friend of mine to help create a list of our own. These laws can still be called Man Laws, but they are the rules that should be followed, if a man ever actually wants to date a girl & be taken seriously.

The Man Laws...REMIX. By Women.

1. Guys are allowed to be close to one another.  Just because you're standing next to each other doesn't mean you're gay. Get over yourselves.  Unless you are making out with/dancing with/dating another guy, we probably don't think you're gay.  If you get really, really angry and defensive when people make "gay" jokes around or about you, then we probably think you are.
   
2. Women find it appealing for a man to be sensitive. Women do not find it appealing for a man to be more sensitive than she is. You can cry, occasionally, because it's human. If you are crying every other day you are obnoxious and we don't want to deal with you. This is not a mutual rule for men & women. A double-standard does exist in this case. Girls are emotional beings. Accept it.
3. If you have a friend that often gets into trouble with the law/has ever been in jail, we probably don't want you hanging out with him. Bail him out if you want, but don't expect us to throw him a Welcome Home party.
4. If you ever go to a strip club, that's between you and the guys. I won't tell you that you cant go- but if you do, spare me the details...oh yeah, and don't expect to get laid when you come home.
5. I didn't go to the game and throw grenades on the field/court or hire a hitman to take out the star player to make your favorite team lose. So don't take it out on me if they do.
6. Flatulation is allowed only if we are in a relationship with you. We still think it's gross, but we realize that it's human and you are, after all, a guy. If you fart while we are "dating" or "hooking up" or "hanging out"....we probably don't want to see you again. (Especially if we've just hooked up.)
7. If we are dating, and you see a fruity drink on a menu you know deep down inside you'd like better than the socially required "big-strong-man-beer," be comfortable enough with your sexuality to order the fruity drink. Granted, if we don't know you and see you at a bar sipping on a Cosmo, Sex and the City-style, we will probably think you're gay... a margarita, however, will probably not give the same impression.  If we are dating you, we know you're not gay. You're not wearing sequins and lipstick, you're drinking a BEVERAGE. 
8. If you are one of those guys at the gym with a blowout, a fake tan, and a too-tight muscle T, do not expect the average woman to ever take you seriously. Do expect, however, for her to laugh in your face when you ask her out whilst flexing. You are not sexy. THIS IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.
9. Unless you come to pick us up in a big yellow school bus, we don't really care what you drive.  Don't make it a big deal.  We will never understand, first, your complex about having an "acceptable" vehicle, and second, your inevitable love affair with it.  The only thing you should be calling sexy is us- not a huge hunk of metal with four wheels and an engine attached to it.
10. You shouldn't have to ask us what we want for a birthday, holiday, or anniversary. We will never tell you what we really want. It is your job to figure that out. Also, it's kind of fun.
11. Yelling out things to us while we walk by you such as: "Ay Mami," "Sup shorty," "Hey Sexy," or yelling any type of cat-call will in no way increase your chances of sleeping with us, let alone talking to us. We don't know who taught you that this was a good idea, but they should never be allowed to reproduce. We are never ever going to go up to our girlfriends after being assaulted in this manner and gush over how romantic and dreamy you are. Beeping from your vehicle as we walk past you on the street is also never acceptable. 
12. If you have a date with a girl and decide that you like her, call her.  If you don't like her, DON'T call her. It's that simple.  We are not going to find the nearest ledge to throw ourselves over if we don't hear from you... so if you don't really like a girl, but call her in a week or two anyways, you're probably just creating more problems for yourself (plus it's really f'ing annoying).
13. If we are in a relationship with you, we want and expect to hear from you at least once a day. If we can't get in touch with you for a full 24 hours and you find that you have five missed calls from us it is not because we are needy, miss you, and can't be away from you- We just want to make sure you are alive. Suck it up & give us the courtesy call.
14. You are allowed to adjust yourself in public.  Not because we think this should be allowed, but because we know we can't stop you.  Know, however, that we will always catch you and always be disgusted (and/or mock you).  Self-adjustment is NEVER allowed in certain circumstances (dinner with our parents, for example).  Tend to your business in private... we know you can do it champ.
15. The time it takes you to get ready should never exceed 20 minutes (and that is only when a shower is included).  After that time period, your "man-status" is significantly lowered in 99% of cases.  Hairdryers are STRICTLY FORBIDDEN.
16. Never comment on how much or how little a woman eats. Period.
17. A man who cooks well is sexy.  We will be excited if we come home and see you cooking.  If we come home and see you wearing oven mitts, surrounded by freshly-baked cookies, cakes, and pies, we will mock you incessantly.
18. A man who lives with his parents past the age of 25 better have a damn good reason.  I'll do my best to get along with your parents, but I don't want to sleep in the next room over on a regular basis.
19. If you lie to us and/or cheat on us, please expect us to make your life miserable. We will go to great lengths to make sure that happens. Our girlfriends will also go to great lengths to help make sure that happens.
20. Please notice the general correlation between men who never get laid and men who crush beer cans on their foreheads, men who read Harry Potter novels, men who have more "online friends" than actual friends, men who spend 90% of their spare time gaming, men who go tanning, and men who go to dance clubs with other similarly tool-ish men.