Funniest book that isn't really a book.

I was recently complaining to Meg about how I think I am losing the cynical side to my personality. Yes, complaining about becoming less cynical. Not so normal. I think that being a cynic didn't make me miserable, I think it made me a realist. Let's face it--sometimes it's not easy to always look on the bright side. I wouldn't call myself a pessimist. I wouldn't call myself an optimist yet either. I think I'm somewhere in between now, but I still have to talk myself out of being too negative and too positive. I just want to be a realist again. 

I've been reading a book that is helping me get more in touch with my sarcastic self. And this book is FUNNY. Not your typical novel, by far. The book is a list of 11,002 things to be miserable about. In fact, that is its actual title. The book is literally just pages and pages of lists of random things in the universe to not be happy about. It's a good kick in the ass toward all of those happy-go-lucky inspirational books that are so full of crap that instead of making you feel grateful for things like meadows and daisies, make you feel miserable for books like that ever being published. Yikes, maybe I haven't lost my cynicism after all...

Anyway, here are a few of the many "things to be miserable about" that actually made me laugh out loud:

• The orchestra that played as the Titanic went down
• The existence of other people
• Birds that shit on you
• The British spelling of "colour"
• Richard Simmons
• Girls who think any guy who's not interested in them must have a disorder, probably Asperger's Syndrome
• The ten endless minutes before 4:50 P.M. and 5:00 P.M.
• The nonexistence of unicorns
• Michael Vick
• Caffeine-free Diet Coke 
• Children playing in puddles of blood
• Knowing when your friend from second grade goes to the grocery store, thanks to Facebook status updates
• The unlikelihood that the words "Lights! Camera! Action!" will ever happen to you

Those are just a few. This is going to take me awhile to read, because one can only read so many pages of lists. This book is full of humor and a lot of truth actually. I say buy it if you want a good laugh. I actually thought I was the only one who felt that miserable about Caffeine-free Diet Coke...