Things I shake my head at: Part Deux.

I was reading my last "Things I Shake My Head at" post and it reminds me of "You know what really grinds my gears?" segment on Family Guy, which is considerably funnier.

Even so, I found new things to shake my head at. Yep, total zone of perplexity. 

• People who drink to make themselves feel better. If you're miserable, drinking is the last thing you should do because it only accentuates your misery and other people will then catch on and not want to be near you. Put down the booze and put on a smile. Fun!
• Earrings the size of one's own head. Um, did you realize your earrings are the size of your own head? If your earrings are larger than a Christmas ornament, I officially think I should be allowed to throw tinsel at you.
  

 

• Big dogs. I don't care how friendly your owner claims you are, you have the physical means to tear me to pieces. Therefore, I don't and wont like you nor trust you not to. Plus, you smell bad.
• People who claim it is "nice to have nothing to do on a Sunday" like I did earlier today. I hate having nothing to do, especially if it is on a weekend when I should be doing exciting things and not be going to the gym solely for the reason of passing time. Yes, that is what happened today. So. sad. At least I ran off some pent up frustration about having nothing to do today. So you people, myself included, need to reevaluate your lives.
• Those who blast obnoxious reggaeton music in strip mall parking lots. Really? Seriously?
• The fact that Edward Cullen is not real. What a shame. I'll even go with an "aww, shucks."
• The neighbor that lives down the street and feels the need to A) rev his engine to scare my little dog, B) rev his engine whenever myself or my brother drive by, and C) rev his engine to pull into his driveway. Um,  you don't need to rev your engine for people to notice your car. It's a bright neon color, I can notice it from a mile away.

That's a wrap for tonight.

I can guarantee there will be more to come.

Things I shake my head at.

I've noticed lately there have been some things I will encounter or think about and just shake my head in disbelief. I actually enter a zone of complete perplexity as to why people do the things they do or act the way they act, or even why some things exist and are available to people- even if it is the simplest of things. Anyway, I thought I'd share a list of those things, since I'm a little obsessed with lists. I wonder if anyone would agree with the items featured, or if I am in a class by myself.

• Fried ice cream. Is America that fat? Batter and ice cream aren't unhealthy enough seperately that one would actually have to take a hunk of fatty and sugary ice cream and deep fry it in oil made of saturated fat? I mean, come on.
• Dress-shirt Dresses. They are apparently the new trend. It is basically oversized mans' dress shirt, just longer and not as wide for women to wear. It doesn't look like a dress. It looks like an oversized mans' dress shirt, just longer and not as wide.
• Walnut-sized chocolate eggs at Teuscher Chocolate of Switzerland on Newbury Street that cost $3.50 per egg. A tiny piece of chocolate should not cost more than 50 cents. I do not care if it is Swiss. I care that I have to budget the rest of the day because I was craving chocolate and bought it because I assumed it would be 50 cents. That egg should have been wrapped in gold for that price, not cheap colored foil.
• People who are rude on the phone. Just because something did not go your way, why be a jerk to someone who probably had nothing to do with what you're aggravated about? Why not be polite and understanding instead?
• Obsessions with social networking sites. (Facebook, Twitter, Discussion boards, Myspace, etc.) Occasional use is fine! But excessive social networking=you're antisocial to the rest of the world outside of a COMPUTER. Your friends, your family, your co-workers, your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend.
• People who walk at a snail-like pace when entering/exiting the MBTA. How about, move!? Don't you know that there are people like me who rush everywhere they go in order not to miss the next T to be able to get home 15-20 minutes earlier? May not sound like much, but after a day where at least 3 hours is spent in a commute of some sort, it means more than anyone can ever imagine.
• That it is only 3:48 P.M., and not 5:00 P.M.

Funniest book that isn't really a book.

I was recently complaining to Meg about how I think I am losing the cynical side to my personality. Yes, complaining about becoming less cynical. Not so normal. I think that being a cynic didn't make me miserable, I think it made me a realist. Let's face it--sometimes it's not easy to always look on the bright side. I wouldn't call myself a pessimist. I wouldn't call myself an optimist yet either. I think I'm somewhere in between now, but I still have to talk myself out of being too negative and too positive. I just want to be a realist again. 

I've been reading a book that is helping me get more in touch with my sarcastic self. And this book is FUNNY. Not your typical novel, by far. The book is a list of 11,002 things to be miserable about. In fact, that is its actual title. The book is literally just pages and pages of lists of random things in the universe to not be happy about. It's a good kick in the ass toward all of those happy-go-lucky inspirational books that are so full of crap that instead of making you feel grateful for things like meadows and daisies, make you feel miserable for books like that ever being published. Yikes, maybe I haven't lost my cynicism after all...

Anyway, here are a few of the many "things to be miserable about" that actually made me laugh out loud:

• The orchestra that played as the Titanic went down
• The existence of other people
• Birds that shit on you
• The British spelling of "colour"
• Richard Simmons
• Girls who think any guy who's not interested in them must have a disorder, probably Asperger's Syndrome
• The ten endless minutes before 4:50 P.M. and 5:00 P.M.
• The nonexistence of unicorns
• Michael Vick
• Caffeine-free Diet Coke 
• Children playing in puddles of blood
• Knowing when your friend from second grade goes to the grocery store, thanks to Facebook status updates
• The unlikelihood that the words "Lights! Camera! Action!" will ever happen to you

Those are just a few. This is going to take me awhile to read, because one can only read so many pages of lists. This book is full of humor and a lot of truth actually. I say buy it if you want a good laugh. I actually thought I was the only one who felt that miserable about Caffeine-free Diet Coke...